Essay:

Who: Roger Dunn, Son of Annabelle Marn Dunn, Webmaster of annamarndunn.com

Time: 5/12/02, 1am

Place: Delta Upsilon Fraternity

2307 Sheridan Rd.

Apt. 401

Evanston, IL 60201

This year, Mother’s Day is on May 12th, 2002.

As I reflect on this special day, I make the following realizations: It has been exactly 5 years, 10 months and 8 days since my mom has moved on to heaven. I have been through SIX Mother’s Days since her passing, and four of those six, I have been away from Hawaii, at my college campus, Northwestern, in Evanston, IL, USA reflecting, honoring, and weeping over my mom. I’ve come to realize many things about myself originate from the loving mother of mine. Things I like, things I do not like.

I believe things don’t happen out of chance, but there is a purpose in everything, often termed “fate” or a “calling from God”. This much I do know. On the day that my mother died at Queens Hospital, it turned from a sunny and clear day to a cloudy, rainy gray day in only a few hours. And at the burial at Memorial Cemetary in Kaneohe, it was once again pouring hard rain. Back to the present…..All of May 11th, 2002, Saturday, and the beginning part of the day in May 12th 2002 has been pouring a heavy, consistant pouring of rain. Such heavy rains all the roads and campus grounds is flooded with 2-3 inches deep pools of water. Coincidence? The weather forecast called for rains on Saturday and Sunday. The following is excerpted from weather.com at May 12th, 2002 1 am:

Tonight (Saturday): Rain likely with a few thunderstorms. Low around 44F. Winds NNE 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 90%. Rainfall around a half an inch.

Tomorrow (Sunday): Thunderstorms in the morning will give way to a steadier rain in the afternoon - a rumble of thunder still possible. Temperatures steady in the mid 50s. Winds N 10 to 15 mph. Chance of rain 70%. Rainfall around a quarter of an inch.

Tomorrow night (Sunday): Cloudy with a few sprinkles. Low near 44F. Winds N 5 to 10 mph.

Simply put, the days on this Earth have been quite different after my mom was termed with terminal colon cancer. The world of my own, and of my brothers and sister has not quite been the same. It really is hard to say how exactly I have changed since June 20, 1996. Or even how I felt. In all honesty, I didn’t “feel”. I was in shock, in shock because it hurt so bad, in shock because it was so sudden, in shock because we were all too young and so was she, in shock because it was so drastic of a change in my world. I remember taking my little brother out of the hospital room and to the bathroom after the event occurred, and we both had our hands embraced and with our other hand we had it outstretched in the air, embracing the one who unconditionally loved us all our lives. Some may say we were embracing the air, but we truly felt her presence at our side, walking with her hand in hand.

A dream……….that’s what I felt…….that’s what I had hoped………we would all wake up from this surreal dream. I knew the saying, “it will be all ok”, so then if I just “opened up my eyes” I’d wake up from my dream being at Queen’s Hospital in a hospital room with my mom on the bed. Right?

What happened to me after that day? I transformed. I began to feel, I began to live, I began to take risks, I began to search deep within myself spiritually, mentally and physically, I searched for my soul. And the thing is, I’m still searching for my soul, and how to live and deal with the passing of my mother. How to treat people, how to live my life, and my life purpose all are closely entwined with my mother. But I’ve come to realize that I have to be honest with myself, and others.

I miss the love of my mother. I took her for granted. And I know many kids, classmates, acquaintances who take advantage and for granted their mothers. They expect them to be there tomorrow, next year, when they get married. I was the same way before. I expected her to make my home lunches, take care of me when I had a cold or fever, cook her excellent delicious dinners every night, and get me from A to B before Time C.

But mom also instilled in me and my brothers and sisters wonderfully good habits, ideals, morals, and skills. From a very early age, we all learned how to fold clothes, wash clothes, wash a car, dust the house blinds, vacuum, mop, wash the dishes, set the table, cook breakfast, steak, and spaghetti, and more. I got accustom to cleaning things, anything, and learned to enjoy it. My favorite cleaning activity was scrubbing the grime and charcoal of the BBQ grill. I learned the phase “the eye is bigger than the stomach” and experienced it when she required me to sit at the table until I finished my overflowing plate of spaghetti that really was too much for me. To this day, I never waste food; I eat all that I put on my plate or order from a restaurant. Through her, I learned how to manage my money, and discovered the value of money.

My mother was a strong Catholic since grade school days (see biography), and I find myself realizing how “idealistic” I am compared to others, and how I really follow the ways of the church vigilantly. I was worried that I wouldn’t go to church once I left Hawaii, but I continued to attend Mass at Sheil Catholic Center, and found my community right on campus. I actually look forward to Mass and rarely miss Mass. Catholicism has been a strong foundation, that has gotten me through the rough times, especially right after the passing of Mom. I feel that since she was such a strong Catholic, I should follow in her footsteps and believe her “truth” is my “truth” and one day, I will meet up again with her at the gates of heaven.

Since coming to college, I made a realization that I spend most of my time in Chicago, and only a few months in Hawaii, thus Chicago is now more of a home than Hawaii. However there was no place to remember my mother other than the church. Thus, in sophomore year, during the dotcom craze of 2000, I purchased the domain name “annamarndunn.com”, found a webhost, and the rest is history. This website is now my mother’s Virtual Memorial. I, along with anyone in the world, can access it anytime, anywhere, whenever they would like to learn more about my mother or reminisce the past. I’m a big reflector of the past and love looking at old pictures and/or reminiscing my past experiences. I could do it for days, maybe years….

The History of this Website: This website is founded off of all the input I got from my mother’s family and friends. Keep it coming, continue to email and contact me. One day it struck me that I only knew Annabelle Marn Dunn as a mother, but she was also a daughter, sister, relative, coworker, friend, and wife to others. Thus I began collecting all the names and addresses of those she knew and wrote letters to everyone. I soon got letters back from everyone, many I still have not heard from. I try to update the contact list, but if you have not emailed me in a while, please do so, and please offer me other names and addresses of other people who knew my mother.

Future Goal: When I have time, I hope to visit the majority of my Mother’s close relatives, classmates, friends, and coworkers, throughout Hawaii and the mainland USA. This will require an updated correct address list, but I’d love to collect more pictures, stories, and records of my mother. I know it will cost lots of money, but I believe it is worth it. Tell me what you think of this goal. Thanks.

Aloha and in memory of my mother,

Roger Dunn

Son of Annabelle Marn Dunn

Webmaster of AnnaMarnDunn.com

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